There’s nothing wrong with New Year’s resolvings. We’re all about being motivated, and if you need to set objectives like that, go right ahead. But for the love of divinity, get that shit off our newsfeed. Were only a few days into 2017, and already our Facebook and Instagram feeds are flooded with posts about new diets, new workout schemes, and a bunch of other random shit that we dont need to know about.
We simply love hearing about all the fun dietary regulations people give themselves. Like, okay Gillian, thats great that youve decided to leave meat in 2016 ,~ ATAGEND but come Chairwomen Day your drunk ass is going to be craving a burger and youre going to be sorry that you told everyone you know that meat just doesnt make sense. Same goes for gluten, because Jesus fucking Christ. If you want to eat less carbs, we praise you. We all want a springtime breaking body , no disgrace. But when did someone decide that the best route to look good is by just devoting things up wholly? Eat gluten, youre supposed to eat gluten !!
New workout plans are the worst. People get so fucking aroused about going to the gym for like, a week, then they have to go back to school or work or whatever and literally forget what an elliptical even is. If you want to go to the gym more, just go to the gym. We dont need to see a status and an Instagram and a Snapchat when you havent even done anything yet.
How about we make a new rule: You’re only allowed to post about your solving for 2017 in the last two weeks of December, and only if you’ve built it the entire year. Guess what? Literally no one would be able to post, because who the hell maintains a New Year’s resolution past February?
That rule runs for Facebook. In terms of Instagram, lets build the new rule that youre only never allowed to post about it. At this point, Instagram should be for beautifully edited photos of food and sceneries and less beautiful photos of fun nights out. There is no place for mirror selfies in which were supposed to be able to see your gains. Chill the fuck out, Ronda Rousey , nobodys forcing you into a UFC ring so just stroll on the treadmill like the rest of us.
So basically, good luck with your resolutions this year, but we better not hear about them until December 15. Until then, weve got bigger shit to deal with, like our nightmare of a new President and why Kim Kardashian only just returned to social media. Have fun not feeing meat, well miss you!
New Year, New Nothing
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