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Have you ever been sitting in traffic a few hours after watching a Fast& Furious movie and abruptly had the urge to just floor it ? To run flying balls to the wall down residential streets, tires squealing around corners, daring the policemen to catch you? Well, believe it or not, there are places you can go to get those advises out of your system. Race tracks will let people like you on the way — in your own car , no less — to work with an instructor who’ll teach you how to drive like the proverbial at-bat out of Hell.

We talked to Jack McCauley, whose day chore is teaching people like you how to drive a hundred miles an hour without killing themselves and everyone in the vicinity. He says …

# 5. Yes, Hollywood Gets Everything Wrong

Before you show up at the track to get a lesson in dangerously fast driving from me, let’s get this out of the route: Yes, everything Hollywood taught you about fast driving is wrong. And I mean they get everything incorrect, often aggressively and with extreme prejudice. I understand why. The primary goal of the Fast& Furious movies is simply to look cool as all Hell. But pretty much everything you insure Vin Diesel or Paul Walker do would be a mistake in real life.

Some moreso than others .

If you watch an actual fast driver, the first thing you notice is they often appear deceptively slow. They’re not floating sideways, they’re not sliding around, and their tires aren’t squealing. It’s like they’re taking a leisurely cruise to Grandma’s house and the background happens to be scrolling by really fast. Squeaking tires are a sign that the limits of a vehicle have been outstripped in a manner that is that’s wasting/ misdirecting energy. So the next time you watch an action movie, listen for that and realize that all of these cool characters have no idea what they’re doing.

The only reason to screech out of a gas station like that is if the pumps are on fire .

Then there’s the gear shifting. If you changed gears as often and as angrily as a movie character, I’d shudder to imagine the shape of your transmitting. Having your hero grab the stick and slam it around is an easy way to show that he’s angry and bent on revenge, but in real life, you’d probably just crash, thanks to the amount of period you’d only have one hand on the wheel.

This GIF is longer than any of their races would be .

And while I hate to ruin this for you, there’s a reason “drifting”( letting the rear tires slip all the way around corners) never caught on outside of Tokyo. It’s a good skill to have, and it’s certainly cool to watch, but it will slow you down more than driving through a inundate of molasses. Drifting is what you do to get a car that’s gone out of control back into your hands. It’s used to correct mistakes, but isn’t something you’d ever want to do deliberately. Any cool shoot of cars drifting around a corner is a bunch of racers fucking up together and desperately trying to fix it.

This would be like the Karate Kid and Johnny kicking themselves in the face repeatedly .

Pop culture doesn’t always lie to you, though. Drafting — the art of trailing behind another auto to lower your air resistance — is extremely important in certain kinds of races. That means Mario Kart is one of the most realistic educators out there, although in real life, letting a monkey drive the car will get you disqualified from most races( and the ones that allow it genuinely shouldn’t ).

# 4. You Take A Beating

If I had a dollar for every time someone joked that racing isn’t a sport, I’d be able to buy an F1 car, jostle doubters into it, and stimulate them drive until they believed me( or until all the muscles in their limbs seized up ). First, there’s the sheer physicality of it. Racer are on hot tracks, in hot cars, and in sweltering fireproof gear. You probably don’t think of driving your car as a workout, because you’ve driven a vehicle before and you didn’t have to stop and guzzle Gatorade afterward. But if you race for merely 90 minutes, you’ll be spent .

“Little help? I … I can’t put my arm down.”

The car you drove to work today has features like power steering which are designed specifically to give you a smooth ride with minimal attempt. The roads you drove on were created with the same in intellect. In a race, all of that is gone — we’re muscling cars around the way, fighting the laws of physics and a bunch of other drivers who may be crazier than we are. Our autoes don’t have things like power steering — or at least , not like yours does — because it prevents us from get a good sense of the grip the tires have. We’re constantly cranking the steering wheel, making quick adjustments while the wheel fightings back.

So your limbs get a workout, and so does your neck. Your head will always want to be tossed to one side thanks to the centrifugal force-out, and you can’t let it if you want to see where you’re going at 120 mph. At the end of a way day, I’m depleted physically and mentally. In the documentary Senna , we watch a driver who has just won a race ask his father not to touch him because every part of his body aches . So it’s a little more run than sitting down to play Forza .

The only reason you’d faint on your morning commute is if they created the tolls overnight .

After all, have you ever seen a fat race car driver? There’s no such thing, even though we sit for a living. Drivers have strict diet and exercise regimens for a very simple reason: Weight is the number-one enemy of a racing squad, and if a squad is trying to save five pounds by expending $10,000 to induce the suspension thinner, well, can’t you go on a diet instead? Seats are also sculpted specifically for the driver, so too many defraud days at McDonald’s and you won’t even accommodate anymore.

Right when Tony Stewart thought he was out, Ronald pulls him back in .

And if you’re thinking of making a living out of this, I’ve got bad news: You’re not going to make it. Your physical abilities peak at around 23, and the best in the world start trained in karts when they’re five. Of course, I’m all about people taking it up as a hobby — that’s my job, after all. But before you start, realise …

# 3. All Of Your Instincts Will Work Against You

It’s easy to assume that the big difference between race driving and regular old driving is that the former necessitates faster reaction times and less of a sense of self-preservation. What newcomers are always shocked to find out is that at certain velocities, physics start playing some very weird tricks on you. Regardless of how often you drive on the street, you are able to do literally everything incorrect your first time on a track.

For example, let’s say you’re going into a corner too fast. Your first answer would be to let off the gas and brake, right? That’s a normal, natural reaction, and on a way will produce a spinout worse than if you had been nailed by a blue shell. What you should actually do is run a little faster. You still might not make it, but speeding up shiftings the weight distribution of your car in a manner that is that gives you that greatest opportunity of success.

Except in traffic tribunal. Don’t expect success there .

Oh, and you’ll gain an appreciation for how unbelievably forgiving your auto is during your commute. Perhaps your eyes will stray for a few seconds to glance at a billboard or something, and you still catch yourself with plenty of time to avoid those schoolchildren in the crosswalk. Well, that same lapse of concentration would be disastrous on a way, and to the schoolchildren inexplicably trying to cross it. You always want to be appearing where you want to go. Always . And when you’re going this fast, “Where you want to go” is quite a ways ahead on the way — my mind’s always a few cases turns ahead. New drivers take the track as it comes, which means they’re waiting until the last moment to do anything. That’s fine when you’re trying not to miss the turnoff into Safeway. On a track, you’re going to hit the wall.

Hard .

Oh, and keep both hands on the wheel . It sounds obvious, but many new drivers keep one hand on the gear shifting. You want to treat your stick like it’s been sitting in the sun all day. Touch it just long enough to make a good, clean change, and then get back to the same ten-and-two stance you learned in driver’s ed.

And speaking of student drivers …

# 2. You Don’t Require A Race Car To Learn This Stuff — And It’s Better Without One

So let’s get into my specific line of work a bit. First, you’ll be bringing your own vehicle. If you’re embarrassed that you’ll be depicting up in a 2005 Honda Civic instead of an Italian sports car, don’t be. Not merely will we welcome newbies driving lemons, but they are in fact preferable. Trying to start high-performance driving in a Ferrari is like trying to learn calculus before you’ve mastered arithmetic, if miscalculating a derivative could send you to a fiery demise. Present up in a used Miata, easily the most underrated car in existence, and you’ll learn far more than you would have if you spent two decades scrimping and saving to buy a Porsche.

You’ll get far fewer “overcompensation” gags flung your route, too .

I could beat that Porsche in a race with a rusted SUV. I’m not trying to brag; I simply have the experience. Your auto is a tool, and the biggest thing you’ll do wrong is not know how to use it . You may have been on the street with it a thousand times, but that’s like going on a thousand first dates. Taking it on the track is a hardcore tantric sexuality marathon, followed by five hours of intimate conversation that will revitalize your flagging relationship.

* Play for full effect .*

One gentleman presented up to his lesson with a heavily modified Lamborghini. He wasn’t looking for an instructor so much as a hype man — all he wanted me to do was tell him that he was perfect in every style. I’ll try to be polite and tell merely that he was doing more things wrong than right. Nothing bad happened, but it was a constant reminder that I was simply along for a 170 mph ride. At that velocity, if anything bad happens, it’s going to be quick and catastrophic. When you’re seeing someone attain the same mistakes as your other students, but at twice the velocity, well … no matter who you are, you’re going to find God for a few moments.

Still, I want to reassure you that collisions are rare, and it’s the advanced those individuals who tend to suffer them. They’re the ones pushing themselves. And that’s good for you, because if you crash on the track, your insurance agent will probably respond with the same disdain as when you tried to claim your Pogs as priceless family heirlooms. This is why my students happen to attend a “driver’s safety course” instead of a “race school” — a change in nomenclature can make all the difference to an insurance company. I still wouldn’t look forward to having that conversation with them, though.

“I was racing here to come buy more insurance! ”

Still, if you can avoid an accident, you might find your insurance rates improving off the way …

# 1. You Can Use Race Techniques In Daily Life

While you’d guess the guy zooming by you in a school zone spends his weekends racing, I’ve found that people who go to the way stop taking dangers on the street. I did some irresponsible street racing in my youth, but that wouldn’t be fun anymore. You’re too aware that it’s not a question of if you’ll hurt someone, but when . The way is safe and controlled, and it only feelings better. So if you have a friend who takes your life into their hands every time you get into their vehicle, take them to the track for your own sake.

Grandma can finally do her sick donuts in a safe place, and not the mall parking lot .

And even if you couldn’t possibly care less about racing, you can learn techniques that will attain you a safer street driver. No one truly understands what their auto is capable of until they take it on the track. And that’s bad news if you wind up in a situation on the streets where you have to exam those limits.

For example, given the choice between taking a corner at more than 0.5 g( that is, having more than half your weight pushed to the side) or slamming into a tree, most drivers will take the tree with the assumption that trying to turn that hard would send the car spinning out of control and into some even worse fate. On the track, you learn otherwise. I’ve lost count of the number of students I’ve taken into corners, asked for more steering, and after being told it was impossible, casually reached over and turned for them. With practice, you’ll find yourself capable of making turnings “youve never” dreamed of. God precluded you ever need it, but if a kid runs in front of your vehicle or giant robots start rampaging through the street, you’ll be prepared.

“Yeah yeah, whatever, assholes. I got a pizza to pick up.”

Or let’s say you swerve to avoid a crash and find yourself starting to spin out. You’re taught to counter-steer, and that’s accurate, but what you’re not taught is to also add a bit more gas. It’s the same as the lesson earlier about going around turnings: That acceleration changed weight to the back of your auto and straightens you out. But you have to recognize that you’re in a spin speedily — once your auto has gone horizontal, you have to brake and ride it out. If that voices complicated, it is … unless you’ve done it a few hours. That’s the point.

So the best thing you can do to prevent accidents is learn to keep your head about you when the unexpected happens. People don’t react the right away to skids and swervings because they don’t have a lot of experience doing either , so they panic. Run out on a way and build those mistakes in a controlled surrounding. Learn what it feels like when your vehicle gets a bit out of control. Learn what it takes to get it under control again. It’s the most fun you’ll have learning how to not die.

For more insider views, check out 4 Horrifying Things I Learned Drunk At Work As A Stunt Man and 5 Reasons Doing Movie Stunts Is Harder Than You Guess .

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Remember when Thanksgiving was literally just about feeing good food and spending the working day watching some Snoopy float make its route through Midtown Manhattan? The vacation used to be so sweet and innocent, and now that we’re older, we literally need three bottles of Merlot merely to get through the first course. Like, if I’m asked one more time about what the “dating scene” is like at my age, I’ll throw this turkey across the room. Being home with household for the holidays can construct you a little batshit, so we’ve decided to put together a short HIIT workout that’ll help get out your fury, release some much-needed endorphins, and obv burn a few cases calories before you stress-eat your style through all your mom’s side dishes. Perform each of these moves for 30 seconds with 20 seconds of remainder in between, and then repeat the circuit two more times.

1. Mountain Climbers

Starting a HIIT workout with mountain climbers is a good bellow, because you’re engaging your core and getting your heart rate up at the same time. Plus, they’re basically a full body move. If you’re doing these right, you should feel it in your abs, shoulders, and legs. Place your hands on the floor with your shoulders over your wrists and your legs straight back in a plank stance. Then, climb your knees into your chest one at a time while engaging your core. The faster you go, the highest you’ll get your heart rate and the more calories you’ll burn.

2. High Knees

High knees are one of those moves that look like they’d be really easy, but once you start doing them you’ll loathe yourself for thinking that. High knees are so much more than just running in place. You need to lift your knees high enough–like, at the least to your waist–and engage your core to bring your legs up each time. You’re warming up your leg muscles while working your hip flexors and increasing your heart rate, so there’s a lot going on here. Plus, pumping your arms at the same time helps burn more calories, so even though you’ll look like an moronic, you’ll be using more muscles and expending more energy than you would by simply employing your legs.

3. Plank Jacks

Sometimes people suppose workouts need to be so complicated to get results, but when you’re in a period crunch, simple motions do the trick, and that’s why timber jacks run. They blend the two classic exercises of timbers and jumping jacks, so you’re getting an ab workout although we are doing cardio. Everyone wins. Start in a forearm timber with your feet shoulder-width apart and your core engaged. Then, jump your feet in and out, stimulating sure your butt bides low the entire hour and your abs stay engaged. If you can’t stay still while jumping, only hold a timber for the 30 -second interval.

4. Squat Jumps

Because your legs are the biggest muscle group in your body, any leg-based cardio movement will burn the most amount of calories in a short amount of time. Squat jumpings use multiple muscles in your glutes and quads to burn calories, and that’s why we’re obsessed( and also why they’re so damn hard ). Start in a squat position, inducing sure your knees are behind your feet so you don’t hurt yourself. Get super low, and then jump up explosively while straightening out your legs and arms. Your butt might be on fire by the end of the 30 seconds, but that just means you’re doing something right.

5. Bicycle Crunches

Bicycle crunches are such a winning ab move, but sometimes people get carried away with how fast they can go, and they end up bolt up their kind and completely missing the phase. I know this is a HIIT workout, but for this one move you’ll have to slow down a bit and feel the burn in your abs without trying to die in 30 seconds. The phase is to lie on your back with your hands behind your head, crunching your right elbow toward your left knee, and then doing the same on the other side. When you bring the opposite leg in, make sure you’re twisting with your core and not just pushing your elbow toward your knee without the crunch. Try doing 20 seconds super slacken, and then speed up for the last 10.

6. Burpees

If there’s anything more painful than your aunt asking you why you’re not married yet, it was possible to burpees. Burpees are the ultimate HIIT move because they force you to use every muscle in your body to get down to the ground and back up as fast as you can. Start by standing with your feet shoulder-width apart and your limbs at your sides. Then, lower your body into a squatting and place your hands on the floor in front of you, jumping your feet back so that you’re in a plank posture. Once your body is in a straight line, lower your chest to the floor and then bring it back up as quickly as you can. Jump your feet forward outside of your hands, and jump up with your arms in the air. You’ll be pretty dead after 30 seconds of these, but then again, it’s* likely* better than the hollering political debate currently going down in the living room.

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This piece was written by the people who operate the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there .

With tech products, you usually get what you pay for. Expending $40 for a “brand-new” laptop will usually get you a piece of folded cardboard with “Twiteer” painted on it. But every once in a while, a truly great bargain was coming that outperforms its value by tenfold. Here are some of our favorite gadgets which do wonders and come at an amazingly low price.

USB LED Clock Fan

When you need to know what time it is but can’t muster the strength to get your phone from merely over there , you’ll be glad that Past-You had already plugged in one of these USB LED Clock Fans. You’ll get a cool breeze while you boast to your friends that you do indeed remember how analog clocks work. Get it here for $10.99.

ARMOR-X One-Lock Air Vent Car Mount

Playing with your telephone while driving is a surefire way to be concluded as road street art, yet people persist on doing it constantly. If your imminent demise isn’t enough motivation to stop texting while behind the wheel, then maybe consider that we’re all judging you. Hard. However, if you use Google Maps a whole bunch, or you just want to DJ your own selection defined when stuck in traffic, then be safe and grab an ARMOR-X One-Lock Air Vent Car Mount for $12.99.

Universal Three-In-One Lens Kit For Smartphones And Tablets

As any photography fanatic or optometrist will tell you, the more lenses you have, the better. Intensely overstate the pores of your portrait subjects and squeeze out every ounce of sublime foliage from your landscape shoots with a Universal Three-in-One Lens Kit for Smartphones and Tablets for $11.99.

Just Mobile AluCable Duo For iOS And Android Devices

Sure, a household that’s divide across political lines is tough to keep together, but a household that needs more than one kind of smartphone charging cable is on the verge of collapse. Thankfully, the bipartisan AluCable Duo supports both Android and iOS. It’s great for helping you make it through some silent, angry dinners and shared auto rides, and it only costs $17.95.

Earhoox 2.0 For Apple EarPods And AirPods Two-Pack

Owning Apple products has become an internationally recognized status emblem, but it’s hard to project your affluence when your $160 earbuds fall out thanks to the slightest breeze or heavy bass way. Fortunately, these Earhoox 2.0 for Apple EarPods and AirPods keep them in place, and will only define your deep pocket back $14.99.

IllumiSink Light-Up Faucet Attachment

There’s something virtually transcendentally disgusting about rising in the middle of the night for some water, pouring a glass, and then getting a mouthful of slightly-hotter-than-lukewarm globe juice. We’d even go as far as saying that it’s downright gross .

Thankfully, this IllumiSink Light-Up Faucet Attachment prevents you from that and all manner of scalding water calamity. Plus, you can buffoon your friends into thinking you drink neon-green water like you’re some kind of Batman villain, and that’s pretty cool too. Pick it up for merely $10.99.

BK SPORT Bluetooth 4.0 Headphones

If there’s one thing that’s going to spur a mid-workout meltdown, it’s your headphones tangling with your weights as you lift. Add in a little bit too much nitrous in your pre-workout drink, and you might find yourself sprawled on the floor, hollering in the middle of your gym. BK SPORT Bluetooth 4.0 Headphones are super durable and tangle-proof, so you’ll never make a scene by the squatting rack again. Get ’em for $16.99.

Bluetooth Shower Speaker

How many more phones have to die for your morning routine of singing in the rain? How many, you monster ? Well , none if you have a music player that won’t dissolve when it touches water. This Bluetooth Shower Speaker is altogether water-resistant, and sticks to your rain wall with an iron grip. Get it here for $9.99.

Orbiter Magnetic Fidget Toy

Fidget spinners, or the spinning fidgets( as no one yet calls it, but they will ), have become the go-to route to break bread with millennials. Unfortunately, they can sometimes be a bit noisy for the conference room. This Orbiter Magnetic Fidget Toy is wholly silent, and route easier to fit in your khakis. It’s available in our store for $16.99.

The Anchor: The Original Under-Desk Headphone Stand Mount

Everyone knows that there’s a direct correlation between having a pair of headphones that are so huge that they have their own gravitational pulling and being a better amateur music producer. Once you get yourself a pair of honkin’ cans, you’ll need a place to put them. To keep them off the table and out of the jumble, pick up an Anchor Under-Desk Headphone Mount for $9.99.

Nut Mini Tracker

Misplacing your phone can be annoying, but you can always simply have a friend call it to speed up the search and rescue endeavour. On the flip side, misplacing your keys or wallet sends you frantically excavating through couch cushions and laundry piles like some sort of deranged mole person. But now there’s a route to easily find your wallet, keys, luggage, or whatever else you might lose on the reg. The Nut Mini Tracker offer a homing beacon for anything you attach it to, for just $14.99.

NomadPlus Smartphone Wall Charger And Battery Pack

Wouldn’t it be nice if that little AC adapter block that comes with your telephone did more than take up precious outlet space? The NomadPlus Wall Charger puts the factory made adapter block to dishonor by turning into a handy portable battery pack, meaning you’ll have power to spare even if there’s no wall in sight. Grab one here for $18.99.

Ghost Indoor HDTV Antenna

The rise of streaming has provided tons of new headaches, from troubleshooting network connections to remembering the email address associated with the account you “borrowed” from a friend. The Ghost Indoor HDTV Antenna lets you go back to a time when you could just watch whatever’s on, but in glorious HD. Get it for $15.99.

Neutron C Magnetic Car Mount

If you’re going to buy a phone mount for your car, you might as well get one that harnesses the awesome power of magnets. The Neutron C Car Mount takes up a minimum amount of space on your dash and holds your device up like a magnet to a fridge. Don’t worry about frying your telephone, though, because it also utilizes magnetic shielding (!) to keep your device safe. We are truly in the future. Pick it up for $16.99.

Steel Man MicroUSB Charging Cables

These MicroUSB Charging Cables are for people who can’t stand a flimsy charger and want to make sure everyone knows it. They’re wrap in TPE to withstand wear and tear, and bear an uncanny similarity to a certain Robert Downey Jr. character. Get one for $9.99.

Exocharge Three-Port USB Car Charger

When you think about it, your automobile is just a big gas generator strapped to some wheels and seat cushions. You can harness the power of gasoline and forward momentum to power a phone( or three) with an Exocharge Three-Port USB Car Charger. Time to ride eternal in Valhalla, shiny, chrome, and with a full battery. It’s available in our store for a measly $14.99.

Hand Stylus

Making vulgar depicts on an iPad is definitely a good time, but having to use your pudgy, ketchup-stained thumbs constructs for quite a mess. With this retractable Hand Stylus, you can scribble all the crude doodles you want with the precision and style of a calligraphy master, or a really practiced fifth-grader. It’s simply $14.95.

Self-Stirring Camera Lens Mug

When they aren’t having gorgeous models pose for them or taking cover in an active war zone, photographers love to kick back with a fresh beaker of coffee. What better style to celebrate your camera chops and your need to always be on the ready than with a traveling mug that’s shaped like a DSLR lens? It stirs your coffee for you, and it’s only $12.99.

IllumiBowl 2.0

Unless you are a dog marking your territory, going in blind for a midnight pee isn’t wise.( And even then, you might want to sniff around first .) As a civilized adult human, your bathroom had an opportunity to lightings, but fumbling for that switching in the midst of a midnight stupor is bound to leave you tripping over a bathmat at the least once. Thanks to the powers of intense neon, though, you will no longer be lost in the turd dungeon. The IllumiBowl 2.0 is motion-activated and turns your toilet into a glowing throne, for $12.99.

MOS Cable Organizer

If you love to fetishize those impossibly pristine workspaces that you watch on Instagram and in hipster stock photography, the MOS magnetic cable organizer will help boost your office to their level. It keeps your MacBook cable on-hand, and could probably be used to pick up spare change from inside your couch too. Get one for $11.99.

Any Clever Yoshis able to build our nightly binge of RuPaul’s Drag Race just that much simpler are alright in our volume. We Salute you, good sirs .

For more smartypants hackers, check out 6 Cool Cracked Items That Will Make You Seem Hella Smart. We believe in you .

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Lululemon just opened a super chic, minimalistic store in New York called Lululemon Lab. Dont plan on being able to buy your typical pair of Wunder Under leggings, though. This is like some serious decorator shit. The exclusive, in-store-only pieces range from $60 to $450, which, candidly, you were gonna expend that much at Lululemon’s regular store anyway. Who wouldve thought you needed twenty-dollar socks

Check it out 😛 TAGEND

Hold up, didn’t Lululemon only try to fire shootings at Beyonc for copying them, when meanwhile, they basically just opened up an American Apparel with some timber paneling?

Anyway, the most recent collect for spring 2016 is an easy-to-wear line with a super androgynous feeling. Suppose large blazers, baseball caps, and models with slicked-back hair.

The reopening of their conception store follows the release of Lululemons new line,& go, which gives you the ultimate gift of not smelling like shit at brunch after you die during hot yoga. Your workout clothes can cross over into everyday clothes, which implies that they guessed people merely wear Lulu to workout in? Yeah, because I definitely wake up every Sunday morning, get swagged out in Lululemon gear, and don’t skip my spinning class to go to a Chinese Buffet.

Overall, the& run line and Lululemon Lab is a lot like SpikedSeltzer: a good idea I guess, but like at the same period completely unnecessary tbh.

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If you gorged on Thanksgiving, it’s fine–we get it. However, if you’re continuing to eat pie for breakfast, nibble at leftover stuffing, and create abominations like turkey and mashed potatoes on some sort of bread, it’s time to stop.

You need to start detoxing before the influx of vacation cookies starts in three weeks, and you can’t lose three pounds by weeping into your pumpkin tart. It’s time to man the fuck up and follow these 10 super easy steps so you, too, can be reasonably back in shape merely in time to ruin it all again at the end of the month. It’s the most wonderful day of the year.

1. Water, Water, Water

You know what’s super magical for flushing out shit( literally) and detoxing your body after everything from a night drinking to Thanksgiving? Water. Chug this shit morning , midday, and night to get your body’s turd schedule back on track( rly tho ), replenish liquids, and help keep your appetite in check. Bonus phases if you add lemon or apple cider vinegar, both of which help flush toxins out of your system.

2. Get Acquainted With Fiber Powder

Fiber fills you up, so nothing is better than guzzling water with some fiber powder mixed in which will a) assistance hydrate and flush, and b) fill you up to prevent extra cookies subsequently. This shit may save you when temptation ten-strikes. Try a glass before every dinner, await 25 minutes, then reassess how hungry you actually are and if you Require those leftover sweet potatoes.

3. Induce Your Coworkers Fat Instead

Do you feel bad throwing out or ignoring all that extra tart? Are the sugar cookies screaming for attention? Package that shit nicely and bring it to work. One thing people who work every goddamn day LOVE is losing themselves in carbs and sugar. Bring those extra pies and cookies in, set them up in the violate room–or, better yet, the conference room–and watch how quickly they disappear.

4. Veggies And Fruit, Front And Center

Time to construct steak, chicken, and fish the secondary stars of your lunch and dinner. Load up on fruits and vegetables for each meal. They’ll fill you up faster, help replenish vitamins and minerals that were likely dismissed from Wednesday through Sunday last week, and will help in the battle of your belly bulge. Plus, they don’t carry the extra fat or carbs of meat and starches. P.S. Potatoes or any vegetable in a cheese sauce don’t count.

5. Soup Is Your New Bestie

We all learned in chemistry that liquids more easily fill spaces than solids, so soup should be your go-to this week for snacks that fill you up without bestowing hundreds of calories on you. Things like chili with lean meat and beans, chicken soup with veggies, and even minestrone pack on minerals and protein while easily filling you up. It’s like salad, but better.

6. Walk

Do you usually take the elevator up a whopping two flights of stairs? Is the gym within strolling distance of your apartment? Can you safely traverse your neighborhood without anxiety of being told to smile( or worse) by deviants? Then go for a fucking walking. It’s low impact exercising, will get your heart pumping, and, yes, will burn some of those leftover stuffing calories sitting on your muffin top.

7. Salt Scrubs

Eating right and exerting are fantastic for detoxing, but so is taking care of your skin. Utilizing salt and sugar scrubs in the shower going to be able to revive skin after it’s taken a beating from your shitty eating. Eating tons of carbs and meat isn’t going to show as well on your scalp as salad and water, so taking a little extra time to exfoliate and get your light on will help.

8. Skip The Sugar, Coffee, And Alcohol

Jesus CHRIST. I know. I’ll let you picking yourself up off the floor for this one. Although a glass of wine, a beaker of coffee, and a few cookies aren’t bad in moderation, chances are you loaded up on all three over the Thanksgiving weekend. Give your body a infringe and made the reset button by laying off these food groups for 5-7 days. Then slowly introduce them back, i.e ., don’t go on a Red Bull Fireball bender and drunkenly feed a sleeve of Oreos once you’re done cleansing.

9. Do Some Yoga

If you’re a crunchy hipster betch, chances are you’re already heading toward hot yoga every morning at 5am( I hope you choke ). If you, like me, roll out of bed and struggle to work without dedicating a workout a second thought , now may be the time. No need to head to a studio–just carve out 30 minutes or so to meditate, center your inner betch, and do some stretches. It’ll help you get over the post-Thanksgiving stress, which isn’t helping your health and detox anyway.

10. No Eating Out

I know ordering take out or heading to the diner down the street after a 12 hour work day is an easy out. And ordering a salad at said joint is totally what you intend, but it seldom happens. Even if you THINK you’re feeing healthy while you’re eating out, opportunities are there are tons of hidden calories in everything from sauces to dressings to your cocktail. Safety first–head home and fix yourself a salad to yell into.

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Working out is various kinds of like watching a season of or. Like, when youre into it, youre sooo addicted and cant shut up about last nights episode. But when youre not really feeling it this season* coughing* Rachel, sorry* coughing* youll watch the two hours anyway although you somewhat dread it and feel like its a waste of time. Whether youre hardcore addicted to bootcamp endorphins or you dread going to the gym more than your monthly Brazilian, you know you need to do it. The only question is HOW OFTEN? And even more specifically, what is the absolute minimum you must work out to both seem hot and still preserve your usual level of laziness? After looking into legit scientific proof about regular workout routines, we learned the facts you need to know to in order to make an effective workout schedule. Heres the lowdown.

1. You Should Be SOMEWHAT Moving All Week

Sorry if this news sucks, but its time to get the fuck off the sofa and MOVE. That doesnt mean you need to be doing a Soul Survivor class everyday, but it does mean you have to move a bit. Stroll your dog. Take the stairs. Do SOMETHING that requires you to get up. Being a little active throughout the day will help keep your metabolism moving and ensure youre burning calories throughout the week, even on days youre not making the gym.

2. Your Workouts Dont Have To Be That Long

News flash, IDGAF if spent your whole day on the elliptical. Modern science has proven that doing high intensity training in short intervals is what actually burns fat. By doing short explodes of intense workout in intervals, also called HIIT, you dont need to spend an hour on a cardio machine. Focus on moves like sprints, burpees, and leap squats, and then add in some full-body strength training for toning your muscles. Youll literally be drenched in sweat in less than 30 minutes so you can move on with your happy hour life.

3. You Should Switch It Up, Though

We cant give you an exact number of days to work out every week because it depends on what type of workouts youre doing. Just like you shouldnt be going on a light jog( with a soft J) twice a week expecting to see results, you also shouldnt be enduring a heart-pumping, calorie-torching, vomiting-on-the-floor workout on the daily. The key to the perfect workout schedule is VARIETY. Try doing HIIT or spin twice a week, strength train or pilates once a week, and then add in a yoga day. That route, youll work different muscle groups and avoid a workout plateau from doing the same thing everyday.

4. You Require A LEGIT Rest Day

Speaking of making a schedule, you NEED to incorporate at least one day of rest if you want to see results and avoid injury. Theres something called overtraining your body; it’s real and it sucks. If youre sweaty and sore everyday, youre probably putting too much stress on your body and your muscles will just take longer to recover afterwards. Take a day to relax, stretching, and chill the fuck out. Working out everyday will only attain your workout less effective than it wouldve been if your body was fully recovered and ready to go again. The gym will still be there tomorrow and your body will still appear good. REST.

5. If Your Diet Sucks, It Doesnt Really Matter

Whether your goal is losing fat, house muscle, getting faster, leaner, stronger, or just looking good in a crop top, no amount of exercise will get you there if youre feeing like shit. Focus on whole foods, lean proteins, and remain the fucking away from sugar. And if youre scared that those weighted squattings are gonna construct your ass too big, you should probably be a little more scared of the sleeve of Oreos you demolished last Saturday night.

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If you are anything like me, you like the IDEA of going to a Pilates class, but you don’t actually like GOING to a Pilates class. Because let’s be honest, half-assing it on the elliptical while watching/ dreaming about all the desserts you deserve now that you have worked out is a route more enjoyable use of period. For reals though, how would I ever keep up with my shows if workout hours were not also show-watching hours? But if you are also like me and bought a NYE dress pre-holiday weight gain that would look style better if your legs were a little leaner and your ass a lot more toned, then it might be time to suck it up and give these Pilates moves a try( btw you can totally do them in front of your TV while binge watching on Netflix ):

1. Basic Bridge

This is a great warm-up and also something every child did during baby gymnastics. Lay on your back with your head closest to the TV with your legs hip-width apart, knees bent, and your feet flat on the floor. Use your abs( cuz we all have those) to lift your pelvis off the ground towards the ceiling until you can feel that shit burn in your hamstrings and glutes. Kind of like you’re pelvic thrusting the air. Hold for one minute or until your next bathroom break.

2. Kneeling Leg Lift

Facing the television now, get on your hands and knees( but not in a gross style ). Keeping your weight on your forearms and knees, lift one leg straight up behind you in a 90 -degree angles so your heel is facing towards the ceiling. Recur with each leg for 30 seconds or until your popcorn is ready.

3. Side Lying Lifts

Lay on your side and support your head with your bottom arm( best to period this exercise with a particularly juicy scene, because it will put you in ready-for-drama position ). Stretch out your legs with the bottom leg somewhat bent, and your top leg straight at about hip height. Lift the top leg about two feet in the air and lower back to hip height. Recur 20 hours on both sides while reaching for popcorn with your extra hand.

4. Heal Beats

Not conducive to TV watching, so save this one for in between episodes. Lie on your belly with your head on your forearms and your legs straight out behind you. Lift your abs( yup, still get’ em) away from the mat/ floor, lengthening your spine. Keeping your thighs together and your abs tight, lift your legs off the floor and pull them slightly apart and then back together again at the heels. “There’s no place like home” it 20 times, then rest and recur until your cell phone buzzes.

5. Wall Squat Rolls

This last one will get you on your feet and in ready position to answer the door when Seamless arrives. Stand up against a wall with a Pilates ball behind the center of your back. Kick your feet out about a foot from the wall and slowly roll down the ball into a squat position–not letting your knees go out past your ankles. Slowly roll back up and repeat 20 hours or until the doorbell rings.

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After watching the Golden Globes Sunday night, I’m feeling like this is a good week to be a woman. I just watched Oprah devote her first presidential campaign speech inspire people with her acceptance speech, and now literally anything can happen. Everyone, we are so fucking blessed. So after a night of watching females lift up other women, I guess it’s is high time to tune in for a night of women tearing down other women emotionally, physically, and spiritually for a human who’s pushing 40 and has feminine hand gestures.* sips wine* K, I guess I’m ready now.

The episode opens with Arie riding in on his motorcycle looking like Tim Allen’s stunt guy in.

Seriously, that shit is uncanny.


The first date card is presented to the girls, and I always forget the level of desperation at this stage in the game. Chris Harrison is, like, trying to make uncomfortable small talk with different groups. Meanwhile, the girls are looking at the him like he’s the last bagel they ate in 2010 and still dream about from time to time.

Becca K gets the first date card, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this girl before in my entire damn life. Did she get out of a limo last week? I blacked out can’t remember. More importantly, which producer did she blow to get the first one-on-one?

must be Arie’s favorite movie, because he forces Becca K to reenact every scene with him during this weird AF styling date. Like, what am I even watching rn? Also, Rachel Zoe, you are better than this!

Y’all, if a guy ever opened a present he got for me and said “these are Louboutins” in such reverent tones, I would giggle in his homosexual face. Just saying.

Also, let’s take a step back and investigate this date for a hot second, shall we? Arie’s idea of a “good time” involves watching a girl try on dresses, buying her new shoes, and devoting her overall styling advice. He realise the goal at the end of all of this is to have the girls actually want to sleep with him and not only call him for outfit advice before a date with someone they actually want to bang, right? Cause it’s unclear to me rn.

And Arie, word of advice, if Becca wanted a sugar daddy she would have just gone to the local golf clubhouse in West Palm Beach. She knew coming on this display she would be dating a former failed race car driver and current real estate agent. No got to let her believe you can live beyond your means.

Arie sends Becca back to the mansion with diamonds and an entire fucking new wardrobe, which is a bold move on his part. He’s either super into her or he straight-up dislikes her and hopes that the bloodthirsty mob waiting for her back at the mansion will cut her before he has to at the next rose ceremony. Seriously, Becca, watch your back, girlfriend. Bibiana looks like she’s got a shiv with your name on it.


Krystal aka the girl who led with “I’m a Libra” gets the second one-on-one date of the week. I guess whispering the intimate details of her Hinge profile into Arie’s ear that first night actually paid off for her. Interesting.

God, I don’t know if I can watch this date. Krystal is literally the personification of every New Year’s resolution I’ve failed to follow through with. I can’t root for this.

So their first date is a casual trip to another state to cavort around Arie’s hometown? I would rather peel off my flesh with a rusty spoon than listen to a guy relive his high school glory days on the first date but, ya know, to each their own.

KRYSTAL : So why choose me for this date? ARIE : Well you said you’d never been to Scottsdale before and I was, like, sure she can come.

Yeah, that bond is deep.

Okay, if ANY guy, televised or not, simply leap a last-minute “meet the parents” on me after 15 minutes of dating I would call the fucking cops on him.

So….is it merely me or …. Does Arie’s mommy look a lot like Krystal? And I’m not talking mother-daughter resemblance here either. Is there something you’d like to tell us, Mrs. Luyendyk? Do you and Krystal both like dipping Oreos in peanut butter?

Krystal maintains talking about how scared she is to open up and how she’s been despised by love, and all I can think is, “I truly hope someone slips this daughter some gluten.” Watching her try to hide an internal battle with indigestion while keeping that fake smile plastered to her face is literally the only thing that could make this date interesting for me.

I love how Krystal is trying to induce divorce her sob story. She’s like “my parents split up and then my mom wouldn’t buy me a comforter, which is why I have trust issues such as men.” …. K. Like, Krystal, you didn’t expend your formative years in foster care or locked up in a cellar. Your parents just got divorced. Like 70 percent of the rest of the world. You’re not special.

ARIE : Wow, I love your narrative. Thanks for sharing with me, I really hope you get the movie rights for it soon. Powerful stuff.


Arie decides that a great idea for the group date is for the girls, who have done nothing for the past 48 hours except sit at the mansion seething in resentment and chugging white wine spritzers, is to crash cars into one another–but it’s all in good fun !! Yeah, this seems less like a wholesome date and more like it might aim in the death of the weakest member of the working group. May the odds be ever in your favor, ladies!

ANNALIESE: This is hard for me to say, but I have a bumper autoes trauma. I’ve been traumatized by bumper cars.

ARIE: Wait is this serious?

Alright, Jenny is real AF. I’m Team Jenny, aka the team that talks shit, from now on. I mean, will she last past this episode? Probs not. She’s expended more time talking to the camera than to Arie, but that’s neither here nor there.

Tbh my favorite proportion about this episode is Chris Harrison shading the fuck out of Arie before this race. Chris is like “will Arie actually win? He’s never won anything in his entire miserable life ever” and it’s like, Chris, isn’t your sole purpose on this depict to constructs him up ??

I love that when these bitches try to fuck up Arie and his car it’s called “flirting” and “going after what they want” but when I do it to my boyfriend it’s a “criminal act”?

Holy shit. Brittany couldn’t make it to the cocktail hour because of traumata? And no one is concerned about this ?? Why is everyone laugh when Arie tells them this news ??

Chelsea immediately steals Arie away at the cocktail hour. I don’t like that she’s utilizing her 3-year-old as a way to get Arie to stick his tongue down her throat. It’s v unsettling.

Okay Seinne is beautiful, a Yale graduate, well-traveled, and can run down bitches with her in her sleep. Why is she on this show again?

SEINNE : … and then last year I solved world peace. ARIE : When I graduated my dad had to bribe the manager of Pizza Hut to give me a job.

* throws wine glass at TV* YOU’RE TRASH, ARIE. Seinne, sweetie, you’re way too good for this shit.

^^ me trying to figure out why the fuck Seinne is on this show.

I’ve never been more disturbed in my life than watching Arie and Baby Bekah( I’m never calling her anything else) flirt with one another. Arie is just like “I liked watching you paint that auto you, bad girl.” SHE’S NOT EVEN FUCKING LEGAL, ARIE. Stop sneaking me out before I call on your ass.


Arie continues to make out with Baby Bekah, and I continue to try not and vomit into my rose. I guess we all have our crossings to bear. But, severely, I haven’t seen an alcoholic drink in this girl’s hand once. Can I get an ID check, please?

Meanwhile, the entire mansion is scheming ways to murder Krystal and get away with it. I’m so here for it. Girls, let me know if you need me to bring a shovel to bury the body!

Bibiana starts to lose it after Krystal interrupts to steal Arie away for the second hour and, honestly, she’s not incorrect. Here’s hoping Bibiana shoves that rose right up Krystal’s ass, because otherwise wtf am I doing here?

BIBIANA : Do your workout, and meditate for a little bit on the hole you simply dug for yourself. Mic drop, bitch. ME :

Moving on to the rose rite, Bedazzled Banana Valerie( whose outfits I’m v sad I’ll never be able to shade again in a recap ), Lauren G, and Jenny all get sent home. All the girls take it like champs someone who just got dumped on national television and are contractually obliged not to beat the shit out of their ex, except for Jenny, who refuses to touch or build eye contact with Arie. I knew I liked this girl.

* slacken claps* Wooowwww that was one savage af exit. I didn’t know you had it in you, girlfriend. Points for dismissing ABC’s exit clause in contract acting like you don’t give a shit, but you lost me when “youve said” “I’m not sad about you, I’m just going to miss my friends.” We all know no one’s here to make friends. Let’s get real and say you’ll miss the Instagram followers and the constant day drinking, mkay?

Until next week, betches!

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Since were being honestcardio kind of really sucks but being skinny doesnt. Like, why would I want to spend a half an hour dripping sweat onto a treadmill when I can … literally do anything else? Well, stop going to your sorority sisters for fitness advice because running and the elliptical aren’t the only options when it comes to cardio. Betches know that adding some body weight exercisings to your routine will stimulate you seem route more toned, which is like, plainly great for your summer bikini body. If you hate operating just as much as we do, pick 3 or 4 of these exercisings and do them for 30 -6 0 seconds a few days through. Your body will thank you for not torturing it on the treadmill but still getting in shape.

1. Weighted Step-Ups

This isn’t as awful as it sounds. Okay, perhaps it is, but at least we’re not inducing you carry a ton of weight. Grab some 5 or 10 pounds dumbbells and a( sturdy) box to step on( you will start to feel this burn fast ). Place your right foot on the box then push yourself up using only your right foot so its straight-out and your left foot is off the ground. Then, pull your left knee up in the air for a high knee before lowering to the ground with your left foot first, followed by your right foot. Alternate sides. Bonus: this is also great for your ass, as long as you engage your glutes.

2. Mountain Climbers

Don’t worrywere not actually making you climb a mountain but like, that would be great cardio, too. Mountain climbers are on every fucking list we make and it’s because they are hella effective and only require 30 -second intervals of run. Start in a push-up position with your body in a straight line, then lift your right knee and pull it into your abs( don’t worryyour abs are there and this exercise is running them ), then put your leg back down in the starting position. Then, lift your left knee into your abs. Recur this motion as fast as you can for 30 seconds then take a well deserved breaking before you go again. And yes, you have to do this again for it to work.

3. Lateral Skater Jumps

We know, we knowbeing on skates merely sounds appealing if youre on a date with a hot guy, but trust each other, this exercise is great cardio. Start standing in a squat stance then hop your whole body to the left, landing ONLY on the ball of your left foot. Swing your right leg behind you and your left limb down in front of your left foot. Then, jump as far as you can to the right landing on just the ball of your right foot with your left leg swaying behind. Run side to side for about 45 seconds and if it isnt burning, go lower.

4. Tuck Jumps

Exercises that involve jumping are so effective, honestly, thats why we do them. Start with your knees somewhat bent and jump up, bringing your knees to your chest. Engage your limbs by extending them in front of your chest or wrap them in around your legs if possible. Lower your arms as you land back on the floor and immediately jump again.

5. Lunge Jumps

Okay, betches, this is just what it sounds like and it will get your heart racing in no time. Start with your feet together, then jump into a lunge with one foot in front of you and the other behind you. Make sure that your knee doesnt go over the front of your toes. Then leap, switching your legs in the air and landing back in a lunge stance. Its a simple exert but it does the damn trick as long as youre not cheating by not getting low enough.

6. Jumping Jacks

We see you rolling your eyes over this one. Dont. Theres a reason this exercise is so popular, and yes, its because it runs. We cant even believe were about to explain this to you because if you dont know how to properly do a jumping jack you need to crawl out of the cave youve working under and join the real world. Anyway, start with your feet together and your limbs by your side, then jump both of your feet out while you simultaneously create your arms together over your head. Now, jump your feet back in together and lower your arms down. Repeat this for a minute as fast as you can.

7. Burpees

You were hoping marriage forget this one but we didnt. Sorry not sorry, betch. We all know it takes hard work to look this good, so dont cheat yourselftheres already enough fuckboys who are trying to do that. Start with your feet hip distance apart, then jump down into a high timber/ push-up position and lower down into a push-up. Jump your feet back towards your hand and in one swift motion jump all the way back to your starting position. Great, thats one. Now do more.

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What better route to motivate yourself to work off those sugar-infused Long Island Iced Teas youll be drinking all summer than spending more fund on overpriced leggings and sports bras? Im talking about athleisure that absorb your sweat, maintains you cool, but still constructs you appear as hot as Gigi Hadid. If you dont know what athleisure is, ask Siri or think of those leggings you shamelessly wear weekly and dont wash, because this is the 21 st fucking century. Like, get with the times, because I dont feel like explaining. This has been officially a thing since last year aka when it was actually added to the dictionary, so chances are if you have any manner sense, you already own Lululemon leggings and a sports push-up bra from like, Victorias Secret. Whether its to get Starbucks, leave your fuck buddys home, or( god forbid) go to the gym for once , no one has ever questioned your whereabouts because your athleisure outfit can get away with any occasion.

If youre planning on fooling everyone that you give a shit enough about your body to get off the couch and stop binge-watching, youre going to have to expand your hot athleisure wardrobe for summer-proof pieces you mightkey word: “might”also be able to pull off at the bar. Usually being comfortable and seeming DTF dont go together, but if youre smart about your choices, you can get away with it. Dreams do come true if you only drink enough believe.

1. Sheer Bralette

When you have yoga at 11 am and brunch at 12:30 pm, the Nina Bralette is your go-to. The super lightweight and stretchy fabric will ease you into all your downward confront dog poses, while also cooling you off with its sheer straps. Youll feel refreshed and seem cute enough to simply change into a skirt before drinking as many bellinis as it takes to defeat the purpose of working out. Or, you can totally just say “fuck it” and buy this regardless because its cute as hell. Namastay at the bar, bitches.

2. Strappy Tank

What happens at the gym, remains at the gym. If youre going to actually exert and break a sweat( ugh ), no one outside of that facility should have to see all that back sweat. Its bad enough you wont be rocking a full contour when you leave. Youll need something with an open back and as many air holes as is practicable. Wear a lightweight tank you can adjust and layer over a sports bra, such as the Gypset Goddess x Alo Clarity Tank. If youre feeling extra scandalous and havent done laundry( again) for a night out, wear this with a backless bra, high waisted jeans, and your fave pumps. Youll be comfortable and appear hot.

3. Mesh Leggings

Unless you live under a fucking stone, youve probably seen any persons you follow on Instagram sporting this mesh trend in one sort of garment or another. Full-length leggings with mesh panels on both the back and the front, like the Varley Windsor Black Legging, allow you to take those long run on the beach without frets of looking like you peed yourself. Theyre composed of permeable and quick dry fabric so you seem just as good after the operate as you did before. Even if its only because you gave up after 10 30 seconds. I wont tell if you dont.

4. Sleek Jacket

Whether youre leaving a torturing cycling class or running errands, the CHICHI Serena Bomber is essential for adding street panache to any seem. Throw over a strappy bra after an intensive workout or a v chic bodycon if you want to look as relaxed as your outfit does. Little do they know you stressed out about it for an hour and changed 15 times before leaving the house.

5. Baseball Cap

I dont usually advocate for hat hair, but this is only for emergency cases such as like, being too hungover to rinse your hair or trying to impress that hot guy who always has his arm days on Thursdays. You can totally convince him youre into like, athletics and stuff( whatever that entails) and yes, youve had this luck hat forever, and no, you didnt simply buy it online from Shop Betches.

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