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Tag Archives: heart

Jan
11
2018

1. When he smiles and you merely cant help smiling automatically in response, even though youre not thathappy at the time, because he has that affect you.

2. When the sound of his voice overthe phone or the sight of an incoming text fromhim magically soothesyour aching spirit after an arduous day.

3. When he winks at you from across a room and your heart melts a little.

4. When a coworker or a friend wished to know how everything is and you cant assist thinking of him and his irresistible grin.

5. When he accidentally wakes you up inthe morning and you reallyneed sleepbut you can’t be madbecause you’re just so happy to be there with him.

6. When you hug him and hes super ripe because he hasnt showered yet but youre unmistakably attracted to hisspecific stench.

7. When he squeezes your hand as you walk down the street or sit on the couch watching a movie and you can feel your loins catch fire in a an unfamiliar but definitely welcome way.

8. When your eyes fulfill at a party and you both realize youd rather be at home having sex or only cuddling than socializing.

9. When he insists on a good-bye kiss beforeyou walkout the door and you comply, even if that extra 30 seconds meansyou’re going tobe late and maybe even missyourtrain, because you can’t resist.

10. When he stretches his leg out beneath the table for a little footsie play and the sensation of his toesagainst your leg gives you the shivers.

11. When he says something borderline idiotic, but you find it charming rather thanoff-putting.

12. When he accidentally drools and youre like whatever, hes handsome AF still.

13. When he excavates into a plate of chicken wings and his thumbs get all sticky and you kind of wishes to lick them.

14. When his joke falls wholly flat but you laugh your face off anyway because you dont need him to be a comedian.

15. When hes dripping wet with sweat after an intensive workout and he stinks like dirty gym socks but you can’t waitto smother your body all over his anyway.

16. When he cooks for you and it doesnt matter what anything savors like because youre smitten by the effort he put into the mission more than the end result.

17. When the very mention of his name gives you an adrenaline hurry and you recognize that sensation as pure, unadulterated love.

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Jul
04
2017

DearMen,

No, thankyou.

Yeah, Isaidit, andIllexplain.

Iamuninterestedincasual sexwith you . No, thankyou. There isno appeal to the fingernail biting waitforatextmessage( since we all know a phone call isoff the table) after you sleep with me. Thereisnothingdeliciousabout hoping that you give a shit orhaving to playit cool because I give a shit . Iwanttogoondates.Yes, dates not “hang outs.” That distinction isimportant because a hang outcouldmeanthatweregoing to go walkaround a mall like we did at 14 when our moms wereouronlymeansoftransportation. Ahang out impliesthat were bros. I have enough friends, sir.No, thankyou.

When you sayyou want to take me on a date, I know youre taking it seriouslyandthatImnot going out with some 19 -year-old kid.( Which wasnt appealing even when I was1 9.) Iwantyoutoaskme out a few daysbefore and scheme something. I want you to put someeffortintodatingme. I dont need flowersbut, goddamnit, some sign that you carewould be nice.

After that date, call.Itsnotthathard.Itsrefreshing . The two daywaiting period should be a myth.Unfortunatelyitsnot, butthinkabout how sillyit is. Oh mygod, that female wasamazing and I definitelywanttoseeher again but instead of merely attaining it happen Im going to attain her sit aroundandwonderifIlike herornot.Following through shouldnt be a rarity.

Iwantyoutobehonest.Woah, scary. I know. Heresthe thing, we are both adults. I dont need youtotellmewhatyouthinkI want to hear.

No, thankyou. I can call mymom and have her tell meImprettyifIreallyneed to hearit. The notion that you feel like you need to tell me you somethingyoudont believe, just soyou can get in mypants, isridiculous. If I want to sleep with you, I will. Itstotallythatsimple.

Idont need to hearsome long jogging speech about how unbelievable you thinkIamwhen, inreality, youre just trying to bust a nut . I would rather know up front what youreinterestedin.Ifwe go out and you dont want to see me again( brace yourself cuzthisis hardtounderstand ): donttell me thatyou do. Believe it ornot, girls dont want to be lied to. Imnotgoingtotellyousome fairytale storyabout how wonderful you are if I dont thinkit. PleasedontfreakoutifI want to talkto you. I like you. Stop panicking .( If you dont like me back: seeabove .) Itsokayif we talk. Itsokayif you want to talkto me or want to see me again. Dontwaituntilitstoolate to decide you want me.

I wasseeing thisguyfor a while a couple yearsbackandwedidthe whole playing it cooland casual sex thing off and on for almost a year .( Well, hedid .) Ihad no issue being like HI I LIKEYOU I HOPE THATS OKAY. I knew he likedmeback.Honestly, “were in” a good match but he waited until he moved 3,000 milesaway toadmittohavingfeelingsforme.

Whatseven more alarming isthat even though weve had thediscussionaboutwhere we both stand, hesstill timid. Hesstill weird about being anything otherthanbro-yaboutit.The last time I find himwe went on thissweet date and the next day hewassouncomfortablewith me. Why? Who givesa shit? Can person please explain what issoscaryorshamefulabout having feelingsand being willing to expressthem?

I dont need to have4 5minutedailydiscussion about the fuzzywuzzies, but I shouldnt be afraid to terrifyyou if I haveanemotionotherthan horniness.

I wont tell anyone if itssomething youre embarrassed about, butyouarecapable of having feelingsarent you?

Ingeneral, itseemslikethere isan unwillingnessformen to be humen. Im not talking about when youguystakeusoutand open doors. Thatssweet and all, but thatsnot it.

Im talking about the unwillingnesstoconnect, to be vulnerable, to step up. I amflabbergasted byhow few humen will takeresponsibilityfortheiremotional choicesand forthe damage theyleave behind post relationship.

Pleasedontget me wrong, girls arent innocent of dating crimes . There are womenwhowillbail, ghost, utilize, cheat, manipulate, lie people tend to suckin general but obviouslyitsnoteveryone. Imaware that there are men in the great broad somewhere who dont act like imbeciles. Otherwise, the human race wouldve objective centuries ago.

So, heresmyrequest: surprise me. Surprise the girl youre dating. Be real. Feign like there aretvcameraswaitingwith bated breath foryouremotional integrity. Share like theresa million dollarcommercialdealwaiting at the end of the season. It might workout for you.

Sincerely, ABitchWhoSeriouslyAint Got No Time ForThat

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