Tag Archives: New Year


It’s the first week of the year, which means thousands of people will sift through a box in their closet to dig up the work-out clothes they solemnly packed away at the end of last January and give the whole “working out” thing another try.

For people who go to the gym the other 51 weeks of the year, the beginning of the new year is traditionally the closest they’ll ever get to understanding what it’s like to enter the deepest circle of Hell.

It’s true everyone has to start somewhere, but until gyms collectively decide to take some inspiration from the American educational model, the people who have already started have to deal with the ones who decided to work out without a clue what working out entails.

I should make it clear I’m not trying to disparage the people who had enough motivation to leave their home, go to the gym and actually agree to pay the absurdly high initiation fee that wasn’t mentioned anywhere on the flyer that ended up in their mailbox.

However, some of those people stimulate working out absolutely miserable.

Note: While this article features pictures of people doing stupid things at the gym, it doesn’t feature the ones who took creepshots of other people at the gym and posted them on the Internet. Being that person is worse than anything pictured below.

The People Who Don’t Own Workout Clothes

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There’s technically nothing wrong with working out in the same clothes you’ve been wearing all day at work, just like there’s technically nothing wrong with going to the beach and diving into the water with your shirt on.

But people are still going to think you’re weird.

I guess it’s possible some people are merely more comfortable wearing jeans to the gym, and it’s totally unfair of me to presume they’re Never Nudes whose condition has only worsened over the year.

That’s not going to stop me from thinking that’s the case whenever I see one of these people.

The Person Who Are Too Into Workout Clothes

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My typical gym garb involves whatever pair of athletic shorts aromas the least offensive and the first thing I grab from the drawer of the various promotional t-shirts I’ve amassed over the years that no one is should wear in public.

However, there are some people who spend more day coordinating their outfit than they actually do working out once they figure out which shade of neon leggings matches the $120 top that’s about to be drenched with sweat.

There is also at least one person who thinks you need to use a helmet on a stationary bike. Unless you live above a major fault line, “youre supposed to” can leave yours at home.

The Phoneatics

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I’ve developed an incredibly long of list of gym-related pet peeves that I use to elevate my heart rate when I can’t find day for a workout, but there’s one particular group of people who get my pulsing running more than any others.

There’s nothing wrong with occasionally checking your phone while working out — nothing get me more amped for a few more reps than finding out person retweeted one of my terrible jokes at some phase during my last set.

It might be tempting to sit down on one of the many seats and benches scattered around the gym to text, but it’s important to remember what makes those seats different from the ones you might find at a bar: They’re connected to( or designed for) heavy weights people are trying to lift up and down.

You might be giving your thumbs a workout, but that can be done standing up.

The Selfie Models

Gym selfie stick

Drawn to reflective surfaces like mosquitos to a bright light, these people are essentially harmless( especially when compared to the Phoneatics ).

They might be at the gym, but the most calories they’re going to burn while working out will be research results of their thumb repeatedly hitting their screen as they search for the best angle to stimulate people think they’ve stimulated more progress than they actually have.

The Work-Out Entrepreneurs

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The only thing worse than people who go to the gym without figuring out the basics of working out beforehand are the ones who think they know what they’re doing despite not actually having any clue how exercising works in the first place.

Whether they’re trying to catch the kettlebell they hurled up in the air before it crushes their face or curling in the squatting rack, these people are a nuisance to everyone and a danger to themselves.

The only positive is it’s merely a matter of day before they do some exercising that results in serious or irreparable bodily harm and is an impediment of abusing any more gym equipment. You only have to hope it happens sooner than later.

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1. Use good-quality moisturizer on your face every morning, every night, or, if you live in a dry, cold climate, both.

2. Unfollow all of the Instagram accounts and Facebook friends that make you feel like shit. Unsubscribe to all of the random-ass e-newsletters that show up in your inbox even though you dont remember signing up for them.

3. Color. Adult coloring volumes are becoming increasingly popular because theyre amazing.( Yes, thats subjective, but youd be amazed by how relaxed you can feel coloring in a beautiful and intricate page with colored pencils .)

4. Set aside time to only sit by yourself and remain silent. Schedule yourself into your day. Use the time alone to meditate, read, breathe, take a bath, or, if youre actually exhausted, to take a nap.

5. Write down what youre going to accomplish at the beginning of every work day( or the night before, if it will help you sleep better ).

6. Be aware of what youre putting into your body. You dont need to only ingest health foods, but make a conscious effort to drink a lot of water, and balance out your meals.

7. Save more money. You dont have to aggressively save every month, but make a conscious effort to give yourself a savings objective, and then try to meet it. At the end of each month, evaluate whether you actually followed through.

8. Dress appropriately for the weather. You dont need to look like a knockout in a hat, gloves, scarf and windbreaker. You only need to stay warm.

9. Stop to smell the flowers when someone is selling them at your local market.

10. Reading one article per day that you really enjoy.

11. When you talk to your mom, father, siblings or friends on the phone, actually take the time to tell them what happened during your day. Ask about their day. Dont spend the entire dialogue looking at your work emails.

12. When there are important software updates for your phone or computer, download them when youre supposed to. Youll waste less time wanting to throw your phone against the wall because its loading so slowly.

13. When someone offers you a bite of their food, say yes.

14. Assess your flaws on a regular basis. Realize what youre doing wrong. Keep your own behavior in check.

15. But dont be too hard on yourself. When youre unbelievably harsh on someone, realize that you couldve approached the situation in a kinder way. When you put in a really hard day of run and not everything goes according to plan, dont beat yourself up over it.

16. Stimulate popcorn on the stave top.

17. Look nice on days when you have nothing special going on. You dont always have to dress up for a date, or an important meeting. You dont need to dress up just for the compliments. Pick a day, and dress up because you wanted to look good.

18. Buy quality ingredients at the grocery store so that youre excited about the food youre cook for dinner. Nothing brightens up a dinner like pesto, good bread, or a fresh vegetable.

19. Get a lot of sleep when youre not feeling well. Stop running yourself into the ground when your body feelings weak, you have a bad headache, or you feel a cold coming on. Listen to your body and get into bed. Stimulate yourself some tea. Have some Vitamin C.

20. Listen to comedy in the car, or on the Subway. LOL while no one is watching.

21. Take a workout class “youre feeling” completely ridiculous signing up for. Try hip hop, zumba, or kickboxing. If you cant get a friend to do it with you, only be brave and go alone.

22. Stop showering every day( unless you have really thin hair ). Its better for your skin and your hair if you rain less frequently. You dont need to grow dreadeds( though feel free to ), but you should try cleaning your hair every second day.

23. Re: hair care, use the over-ripened avocados in your fridge as shampoo every so often. Your hair actually will turn out shiny AF.

24. Smile at little kids. Smile at adults. Stop pursing your lips at strangers who are walking on the wrong side of the street. All your doing is giving yourself premature wrinkles.

25. Sit up straight.

26. When youre listening to someone talk, actually listen. You will get so much more out of your experiences with people if youre fully engaged, instead of only half-listening while you think about what youre going to say next.

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