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Tag Archives: Self-Improvement

Apr
11
2018

The ground has fallen beneath me. I am in air. I cant move. I cant exhale. You took your things. The shirts I slept in. But the latter are mine too. You were mine too .

Cordial at first. We will work on ourselves. How can we love each other without loving ourselves? I believe you will come back. I truly do.

Your friends are here. They tell you to stop. Let run. Dont call him. He doesnt care that you want to construct things work. He doesnt care you had a life growing inside of you. He doesnt care .

I call you too much. You take too long to respond to my texts. Im not used to you treating me this route. Why are you treating me this way?

I was only trying to love you.

Its been a few months, I call less. I exclaim more. I try to think about my summertime trip. I try to think of my family. I try to think of grad school. Trying doesnt run. I think of you.

July. I see you. We talk. I weep. You walk away. My last image of you is you walking away .

Im on my trip-up, so I merely exclaimed once. I meet person. He isnt you.

Type out a text, want to press send, erase it, throw my phone across the room, screaming into my pillow .

I start school. Things “re a bit” exciting. So exciting I want to share it with you. I forgot I cant call you. I nearly do.

I meet someone new. He isnt you.

I feel great. Alive. Read my favorite volume again. Go to the gym. Be with my family. Life is beautiful.

Dial your number, let it ring once, hang up, hope you call back, you dont.

I feel more energetic than ever, I workout consistently, get a 4.0, spend time with the person or persons I care most about. I feel amazing.

Its 3AM. You call. I dont answer. You text. I stare at that text for what felt like years. I dont know what to respond. So I dont .

I cry again. Why did he call? What did he want? Does he think he can have me just like that? Perhaps he can. No. He cant. He never will.

I maintain crying. I set myself back together though. Its been almost a year. I should be fine by now. I put my pieces back together.

Something is still missing. A piece. You.

Please make up your mind. Think. Do you still think of me? Is your heart still with me? Time is an enemy. Time is no good. Do not take your time. Im almost gone.

Gone .

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Mar
09
2018

I told everyone I could about the first time I got punched in the face. I was excited because I was tired of people telling me I wasnt a real boxer until I took a hit.

I can thank the double-end pouch for helping me made the milestone. This tiny little devil is a melon-sized container full of air and shame. One of my favorite pastimes is watching the new cocky brodudes try to hit it and see their egos crash harder than a fratboy after his 10 th jager bomb.

The bag is both the best style to improve hand eye coordination, as well as the best way to disorient oneself so much that one objective up accidentally punching herself in the face. Which is precisely what I had done.

But no one needed to know that I was the one who punched me in the face. I was working hard to cultivate an air of toughness about myself, which is hard enough to do when youre typically the only girl in a warehouse full of shirtless ripped dudes.

It was easy to forget that there was a period just a few months ago when I was plenty tough just for simply depicting up, considering I was so nervous that first day that I nearly shat myself on the bus ride there.

That first day get off at the right bus stop no comfort, because Google Maps was resulting me to a seemingly abandoned warehouse with a sign on it that read Beauty Supply Wholesale Cash& Carry.

Finally recognizing also that the gym was inside beauty furnish warehouse, I walked in to discover an industrial fan, a ring, 8 punch bag, a very graphic advertisement for a lotion that reduces ingrown hairs, five shirtless guys doing push ups, and one 50 -something-year-old white haired man with a torso built like a brick wall who grunted at me when I said hello.

Despite being scared both of boxing as well as not knowing where to put my eyes when all around me were shirtless sweaty dudes,( I have a newfound empathy for hetero guys in yoga class ), I knew I had to stay, and had to keep depicting up. My physician had recently diagnosed me with homicidal fury, a new chapter in the ever-fun journey that is living with PTSD, and told me I had to find an outlet for my anger before it ate me.

And beating the shit out of the pouch was, indeed, an incredibly effective strategy for managing my homicidal fury. It was so strange and beautiful to be in a space where my rage was no longer a liability. I wasnt expected to be fairly, friendly, or candidly, even cordial to anyone, I was there to liberate myself through physical exhaustion just like everyone else. It is important for me to note my privilege as a white female in being able to own my indignation, as I have the privilege of not having to navigate the really shitty racialized stereotypes of the angry black female or the fiery latina.

I is well aware more polite, especially as a wealthy east coast liberal elitist jewess, to say that zen came for me with the accomplishment befriending the trainer, a not easy human to befriend( which I did, love you Dave !), or with the accomplishment of being able to go four minutes in the ring without feeling like I was going to puking( which I could ).

But truly, I can tell you exactly when I discovered my peace, and theres nothing polite about it. It was a moment six months in the making.

When I initially came in for my first workout ever there was one other person who happened to be starting that day as well, Alan. Alan had been brought there by a fellow bro who had been boxing for a few months. As I nervously did arm stretches I remembered from secondary school PE class waiting for instructions received from the trainer, I overheard these two nincompoops say to each other, How is she planning on box with those boobs? And then they giggled. Like a bunch of buttheads. And I never said anything to anyone about it.

About six month afterwards, Alan presented up at the same workout as me and I watched him for a few rounds. I realized I could beat the shit out of him. I imagined is available on the ring with him, and it became immediately clear how quickly I would dominate him and give him a real whopping.

And I didnt have to say anything, or do anything. I wanted to hurt no one, including Alan. But in recognizing also that I could beat this kids ass, I had find power. And in my power, I eventually observed my peace.

Im never going to fight Alan, hell at this phase it wouldnt even has become a fair matchup, but knowing I dont have to always operate and hide, that I have the capacity to slug someone, even if it is accidentally myself, is like liberty to me.

Story soundtrack

For a year, I have listened to this song every day as I enter the boxing warehouse

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Nov
18
2017

1. Stop ingesting caffeine

Although people think they perform better on caffeine, the truth is, they actually dont. Actually, weve become so dependent on caffeine that we use it to simply get back to our status-quo. When were off it, we underperform and become incapable.

Isnt this absurd?

With healthy eating, sleep, and workout, your body will naturally render far more and better energy than caffeine could ever offer. Give it up and see what happens. You will probably get withdrawal headaches. But after a few days, youll feeling amazing.

2. Pray or meditate morning, mid-day, and night

In a recent interview at the Genius Network mastermind event, Joe Polish asked Tony Robbins what he does to get focused. Do you meditate? What do you do? Joe asked.

I dont know that I meditate. I dont know that I want to meditate and think about nothing, Tony answered, My goal is clarity.

Instead of full-on meditation, Tony has a morning routine that includes several breathing exerts and visualization techniques that get him to a country of clarity and focus. For me, I use prayer and mull( my version of meditation) as the same vehicle.

Whatever your approach, the goal should be clarity and focus. What do you want to be about today?

What few things matter most during the next 24 hours?

Ive gotten the best outcomes as my morning prayer and meditation are motivational; my afternoon prayer and meditation are strategic; and my evening prayer and meditation are evaluative and educational.

3. Read 1 volume per week

Ordinary people attempt amusement. Extraordinary people seek education and learning. It is common for the worlds most successful people to read at least one book per week. They are constantly learning.

I can easily get through one audiobook per week by just listening during my commute to school and while walking on campus. Taking even 15 -3 0 minutes every morning to read uplifting and instructive information changes you. It sets you in the zone to perform at your highest.

Over a long enough period of time, you will have read hundreds of volumes. Youll be knowledgeable on several topics. Youll gues and watch the world differently. Youll be allowed to make more connections between different topics.

Reference # 19 on this list if you feel youre too busy to read one book per week. There are methods to make this task exceedingly easy.

4. Write in your periodical 5 minutes per day

This habit will change your life. Your publication will 😛 TAGEND Clear your feelings serving as your personal therapist Detail your personal history Enhance your imagination Ingrain and improve your learning Help you get lucidity on the future you want to create Accelerate your ability to manifest your goals Increase your gratitude Improve your writing abilities Lots more Improve digestive efficiency Increase mental clarity Increase physical and mental vigor Remove toxins Improve vision Give a general impression of well being Being a better planner Being holistically healthier as individuals Getting better sleep More optimistic, satisfied, and conscientious Increased memory Longer life Lessened inflammation Increased creativity Increased attention and focus Lessened fat and increased muscle mass with workout Lower stress Lessened dependence on stimulants like caffeine Lessened hazard of getting into accidents Lessened hazard of depression Eat at least 40% of your breakfast calories as protein Do it with two or three whole eggs( each egg has about 6g protein) If you dont like eggs, utilize something like turkey bacon, organic pork bacon or sausage, or cottage cheese Or, you could always do a protein shake with water It boosts HDL( good) cholesterol and simultaneously blocks LDL( bad) cholesterol buildup It has special fats that help you burn more fat, have more energy, and maintain healthy weight It fights aging and maintains you appearing and feeling young It reduces fever and acts as an anti-inflammatory It is antibacterial and thus wards off possible sickness It improves memory and cognitive functioning( even for people with Alzheimer’s) It can boost testosterone for both men and balance healthy hormones level for both men and women Help protect against cardiovascular disease, cancer and various inflammatory cancers Guard against oxidative cellular injury from everyday cellular upkeep and exposure to chemicals and pollution. Faith is the starting point of all accumulation of riches! Faith is the basis of all miracles and mysteries that cannot be analyzed by the rules of science! Faith is the element that transforms the ordinary vibration of believe, created by the finite mind of man, into the spiritual equivalent. Faith is the only agency through which the cosmic force of Infinite Intelligence can be harnessed and used. Faith is the element, the chemical which, when mixed with prayer, dedicates one direct communication with Infinite Intelligence. $11.85 trillion in debt An increase of 1.4% from last year $918.5 billion in charge card debt $8.09 trillion in mortgages $1.19 trillion in student loans An increase of 5.9% from last year In a free-market economy, everyone can make as much money as they want. Your background, highest level of education, or IQ is irrelevant when it comes to earning money. The bigger their own problems you solve, the more fund you attain. Expect to make lots of fund. Guess BIG: $100,000, $500,000, or why not$ 1 million? What you focus on expands. If you believe in scarcity, youll have little. If you believe there is limitless abundance, youll attract abundance. When you create incredible value for others, you have the right to make as much money as you want. Youre not going to be discovered, saved, or made rich by someone else. If you want to be successful, you have to build it yourself. 71 percentage of bed makers consider themselves happy While 62 percent of non-bed-makers are unhappy Bed makers are also more likely to like their jobs, own a home, exert regularly, and feel well rested Whereas non-bed-makers dislike their jobs, rent apartments, avoid the gym, and wake up tired.

Sep
24
2017

I woke up and showered and wrote a doctor who practises not far from my apartment. Over the last ten years, I’ve been a transplant, I told her. I’ve lived in five cities, never coping well, never braced with any enthusiasm to stay.

My real life, I’ve always imagined, will begin once I graduate and, when I wasn’t in school, it was after my boxes were unpacked, once the cardboard was broken down, the books shelved, the paintings matted and hung on freshly coated walls. It was a matter of when the vitamins would kick in, when I’d start juicing, begin running, sleep sooner, wake earlier.

It was always a matter of time and some doing and one day.

This isn’t how life will actually be , not after I graduate and move to a new city and move in and make friends and develop roots and workout and begin cooking and start getting paid what I’m worth and have enough money and then when I’m doing all the various things that’ll make me feel like I’m a real, respectable adult.

Once I begin doing all the various things that’ll induce me acceptable. Worthy. Valued.

This is exactly how I reasoned away my twenties, by telling myself that life would then be beautiful and my accomplishments then courageous and my lifestyle then applaudable, once I start living, which will be happening soon, very soon.

I knew that, too. Or, I felt like I knew something was wrong. I could feel it in my body, that I was resisting the very best path. And I considered so much to, watched that nothing was happening, that I was not challenging myself as I needed to.

But, even then, that wasn’t enough to arouse me into action or energize me toward my goals. It’s difficult to explain genuinely. Maybe it’s just that the more you wait to become some route, the more you lose your capacity to believe you can become any other way at all.

It happens over day. That spark in your belly, that dream within reach, it begins to dissolve, eaten away by a hatred we never had before, a hatred toward ourselves, a hatred that we’ve come into in a sobering moment of insight.

The sobering insight is all of this, that day isn’t what we’re up against, what we’re up against is our disinterest in being more useful.

Somehow, in our twenties usually, we slip beyond logic and self-control and started to dream , not in an inspired style, but in a way that is impossible, in a way that begins with if or when. The if-when thinking that I participated in has always involved the narrative of readying myself, requiring day or in due time, rather than taking life on from where I was.

I didn’t see it then, that where we are is actually our only chance. And , what happened is that in having my blinders up, I became devoured with future thinking and, awash in a tsunami of self-doubt, put off tackling what living in the now means for me, what that asks of me also.

I guess I’ve been a slowly turning page, a narration of not yet enough. I’ve been hopeful and yearn, longing for a greater-than-myself-dreaminess, an immediacy down in my feet, an empowering optimism that I once could call upon at whim.

While emotionally stable, I’m reaching out to you as a precautionary incentive. This is what I wrote the doctor. I’m reaching out to you because I’m afraid of my own unhappiness. Because my friends and family are telling me the same thing, that I shouldn’t wait until I need you.

So I’m reaching out to you for the above reasons, because I want to start doing what I’ve never done. I want to not await. At twenty-seven, I know by now that I can’t afford to go on awaiting, especially not when it’s a matter of livelihood.

And while stable is good and fine, it really isn’t a word that has much life to it. And that’s all I’ve ever been after, anyway, my own liveliness. That’s still my goal. To not wait for soon, for when I will be ready and I will be better and life will be real and applaudable and brilliant.

Because this happening to me right now is my real life. This is it. We can’t wait for our life to begin because our life never simply begins but rather is always there waiting for us to begin to join it.

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