Tag Archives: Self-Love


The first 18 years of life are a time to take everything in. Were encouraged to figure ourselves out. Elementary school, secondary school and high school provide us with opportunities to test the waters in a variety of areas.

Senior year of high school reaches, college applications and adoptions return as well as adults start falling that topic. You know, the one no one has a real provide answers to, What do you want to do?

Sure, half the time high school students reply with uncertainty and thats OK. Theyre 17 and 18 years old, they get a little leeway.

But, in the blink of an eye your college experience is nearing its end and you have to actually answer that dreaded question. The impending doom of the real world slowly begin to creep its route up to you.

Many of us craft genuinely intricate ideas for our future. I want to work on Wall Street, or I want to be a lawyer are two incredible aspirations, and while not all will achieve these goals, many will.

Now, the question isnt about who can and who cant. The focus should be on answering a question of actual important: Will I be happy doing this?

Its so easy to convince ourselves that something is for the better. Were astounding at telling ourselves something is worth doing, even ifwe detest it. Working on Wall Street, 80 hours a week, is plainly worth it for that kind of money, right?

For some, that lifestyle is the ultimate dreaming come true. Their 20 s are for running and setting up their future, and happiness will work its route in during the process. If it appears good on a resume, sounds good to say and brings in the dough, then hell yeah, its the fucking trifecta.

But if there is any apparent truth that comes with the reality we, its that money isnt everything. Graduating college with a great degree and diving head first into the adult-world that weve feared for so long is amazing. But, do you have to come out with a job that leaves others in awe?

This Stockbroker Explains What They Don’t Teach You In Business School[ Mockumentary]

Think about this situation: Every step in your life up to college is in preparation for your future. In college, you chose you wanted to be a doctor because you like science and you like helping people, so obviously you were meant to be one.

By 21 youre sick of school, bust your ass to get good grades and when its finally over you realise you still have to get through med school and your residency. Is being a doctor still worth it?

Being a doctor is an amazing accomplishment, but “ve been through” years of school to ultimately be an unhappy professional worth it?

I grew up in a relatively well-off community, surrounded by an overwhelming amount of professionals and highly successful people. The obvious track to follow was one that had already been laid out.

Money served as a major influence on my interests. I had my eye set on being a business human, just like my father and his friends. So naturally, I chose my future was that of a banker. It had fund, numbers and all the other great banking stuff I was in search of.

Best of all, it sounded great. Adults loved to hear that I wanted to be in finance and working on Wall street; they loved to tell me their narratives and share insight about the world of banking.

My future was set.Or so I thought.

After enduring the experiences of transferring schools, heartbreak and depression, my outlook on life changed. For a long time, I was unhappy. I knew a decent sum of knowledge on a bunch of random things but I didnt know how to be happy.

These experiences forced me to ask myself topics. I had to sit and think about my future, wondering how I could be happy and successful. After a while, I knew I needed a change. I required a change in my thinking, my actions and my vision for the future.

I decided the summer before my junior year of college would be for me. I needed a step back from reality and the pressures of a 20 -something. I searched for an escape from my highly depressive environment.

SoI ran retail at Lululemons flagship store in NYC. I chose to spend my summertime folding and hang clothes, cleaning up customers messes and selling stretchy pants.

My summer didnt strengthen my resume in any unique style , nor did it directly set me up for a successful career post-college.

But working at Lululemon was revolutionary for me.It exposed me to a world I had never before experienced and placed me in an environment with people from all walkings of life.

After my first day of training for Lululemon, I had an epiphany.

I strolled into that store with the goal of self-improvement. I wanted to overcome the vulnerability I once felt and to alleviate stress and nervousnes. Most of all, I needed to learn how to love myself. I dreamt of happiness.

Six hours later, when I walked out of that store, my world was different.I had no desire to be a banker.For the first time in my life, I had no career plan for my future. Starting that summertime evening, I had a redefined understanding of life: Happiness, above all else, is the key to success.

While working there, my intellect was clear of pessimism, and I was less agitated and stressed by the basic downfalls of daily life. My familial relationships improved and for the first time in a long time, I felt in control of my life and well-being.

For the first 20 years of life, I was under the impression I knew who I was. I had a clear vision of myself and a plan for my future, and nothing could stray me from that path.I was convinced everything was a stepping stone in reaching success.

Sadly, I supposed success was defined by a college education, your career and the extent of your wealth. I always set my vision of a successful life before that of a happy one.

I slowly learned that if you cant smile, you cant truly be successful. The best part about this is that being happy is a option, we all have the ability to craft our own lives.

If happiness is the ultimate key to success( I believe it is) then thats what a vision of your future should reflect. If you dont truly understand who you are and you dont accept it, happiness will always be forced.

Ask yourself questions and dont be afraid to dig deeper, because only then will you truly find yourself.

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It was like any other night. I was laying in bed at my parents’ house over spring break, while Snapchatting my friends. I operated my fingers through my freshly-washed hair, and described a circle with my finger around the weird textured spot I had been feeling for the past couple of weeks.

Normally, I thought nothing of this odd-feeling place because I would touch it post-workout, when my hair was in a tight, sweaty ponytail. However, this time, I chose I wanted to see what the spot looked like for myself. I pointed the camera at the place and took a picture.

When I looked at it, I was immediately horrified. What the f* ck? I blurted out as I gazed at the picture. There was a bald place on my head, and it was as big as a 50 -cent coin.

Not knowing what to do, I Snapchatted the picture to my closest friends with the message, Happy spring breach from me and my bald spot. Still in shock, I strolled to my bathroom mirror and lifted up my hair to uncover my newly discovered, hairless patch.

As a self-diagnosed hypochondriac, my head was in its usual nation of health nervousnes. I went downstairs and calmly said to my mommy, Hey, I have a bald place on my head. My mom, who is used to my self-diagnosing, rolled her eyes and asked me to prove her.

I lifted up my hair. She immediately sent a picture to our neighbor a dermatologist who ironically enough specializes in hair loss and asked him to stimulate yet another home bellow. My mothers tried to soothe me down as I constantly asked them if I was going to die.

Everything on Google was telling me that I would lose all my hair within the next few weeks, and that I should start wig shopping. My neighbour came over and told me I either had a cyst or bump on my head, which caused my hair to fall out. If it wasn’t that, I had a mild occurrence of alopecia areata, which is an autoimmune disease in which your body attacks your hair follicles.

I exclaimed for days and obsessed over the place. It has now been almost two months since I have discovered it.

Turns out, I’ve grows quite fond of the smooth, bald patch that’s hidden by my long, dirty-blonde hair. The experience has surprisingly taught me a lot about myself, and “ve been given” unexpected new insights 😛 TAGEND

1. I wake up thankful every day .

In the grand strategy of things, a bald spot on my head is highly miniscule. I was born into a great household, have never expended a night at the hospital and live in a country where it is safe for a woman to walk down the street alone.

My little bald place has taught me to be grateful, and to enjoy the little things in life that so people may never get the chance to experience. Bad hair day? Hey, at the least I’m not going through chemotherapy and dealing with a life-threatening illness.

2. I realise how often girls talk about their looks.

For the first few weeks after my discovery, I became hypersensitive to anything hair-related. I began to count the times my housemates talked about shampoo, haircuts and their newest decide of highlights.

In no way are my friends vain, but why do girls constantly need to talk about what is going to build them more attractive? I’m all for trying new beauty tricks, but some girls do not appears to shut up about it.

What would have been a dialogue I would normally have contributed to had me rolling my eyes and wondering why nobody wanted to talk about why it was 75 degrees in February.

3. I see how much of an emphasis society puts on women’s hair.

I once heard that a girl’s best accessory is her hair. Yes, hair can be stunning. It can be styled with regard to every personality type.

But best accessory? Really? The sum of advertisements aimed at girls that claim to give them perfect hair is obnoxious.

Sure, everyone wants flawless hair. But I’ve had enough of the ads telling girls they need $20 conditioner to be confident in their appearance. The obsession seems silly, considering we will be grey one day.

4. I learned not to criticizeanother person’s appearance.

Pre-bald spot, I could not understand why anyone would think it was OK to attach hair extensions to his or her head. I frankly thought it was fake and tacky.

Then, I realized that one day, I might need them myself. Why should I care what anyone else does, as long as it stimulates him or her feeling comfy? I learned not to judge others for things I did not do myself.

We all have things we want to change about ourselves: hair-related or otherwise. If it induces person happier, who am I to judge?

5. Nobody is perfect.

Yes, we have all heard the phrase Nobody’s perfect, either in a “Hannah Montana” song or from an elementary school teacher. Everyone has insecurities, but it is up to us to decide how we react to our individual flaws.

Stop comparing yourself to a Victoria’s Secret model. I’m sure she did not wake up with soft waves and a glowing tan. I thank my bald place for reminding me that perfection does not exist, and that it’s OK to go to class with last night’s makeup on.

My bald spot has put my life into perspective in the best route possible. No matter whether I have hair the rest of my life or run bald, I’ll be OK.

It is only hair. In the meantime, I can grow out my hair and donate it to those who are bravely opposing maladies, or to those who were born bald and beautiful.

I do not stress the small stuff, and have learned to surround myself with those who love inner beauty. Seems may not last eternally, but character and gratitude go with you to the grave.

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I read somewhere that to get over a breakup, it takes about half the duration of period your relationship lasted.

My most recent relationship objective after a little over a year, so for me, I am speedily approaching that mark. But our unofficial relationship dates back years. So do I get more day?

How long does it actually take to get over person?

According to Drake, it takes forever because~ “youve never” actually stop loving someone ~. You either never did, or always will.

Am I over my relationship? Have I TRULY moved on? I cant actually answer that.

But it has been half a year since Ive been in it, and Id like to reflect on some of the changes that have happened in this time.

1. Overall Mood

I missed this Marissa, told an old college friend of mine when she came to visit me during my breakup. I thought, Um what does that even entail? Ive always been this Marissa .

Or had I?

Relationships change you. Sometimes for the very best, but unfortunately, sometimes for the worse.

My ex is not a horrible human who abused me or tried to build me something I was not. I dont wish bad upon him because, well, he is someone I still love very much.

When I look back on our relationship, however, I realise he changed me in ways that werent so good for me.

I am a fairly outgoing, happy person overall, but I never felt good enough for my boyfriend. He often induced me doubt myself, instead of lifting me up.

Spoiler alert: this is the complete opposite of what a boyfriend should be doing.

I constantly questioned his intentions, but this was beyond trust issues. What I mean by this is I was always asking, Does he actually love me? Why hasnt he texted me today? Am I good enough for him ?

I had been in a previous relationship where I had no doubt of my partners feelings because we were very open with each other.

My most recent boyfriend, however, never had been in a serious relationship. This hurt us a lot.

I felt like I couldnt talk to him about how I was feeling, literally ever. I wasnt myself. I was always sad, and always trying to hide that sadness. I knew it, and so did those closest to me.

When we broke up, a slight weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I missed him; I was sad; I wept( a lot ). I still feel these things from time to time, but guess what? I am good enough.

I dont doubt myself or feel obligated to prove my worth to anyone. Im always just doin me( love you, Drizzy ).

And I place the blame on me( partly) for letting myself be with a person who attained “i m feeling” anything less than amazing, for not speaking up every time I should of and for letting someone elses actions hindermy own.

2. Self-Confidence

I hate to say the word dumped because I knew the end of the relationship was coming. He only had the guts to pull the trigger first.

However, get dumped actually BOOSTED my confidence. I never wanted to admit it, but my boyfriend basically induced me more self-conscious than beautiful and loved.

I cant recollect the nicest thing he ever said to me. Quite candidly, he was a man of few kind words. I received the good morning, beautiful text messages whenever he knew he fuckedup.

He never praised my appearance, outfits or body.

One night around the holidays, I attended a work event of his. Its important to note that I am the polar opposite of a girly girl. And I may not be a size 0, Instagram model, trendy chick, but I think of myself as attractive( not to mention, awesome AF) young woman.

I had received one of those in-store Sephora makeovers as a gift for Christmas. I supposed this was a great way to get someone else to do the run, and my guy would be able to show me off to all his co-workers.

When he saw me that night, the first thing he blurted out was WHOA thats a bit much. Bruh

In all, my ex merely wasnt good at stimulating me feel good.

I dont know ifit was his lack of observing the right words and the right moment, or if he just really didnt suppose much of me, but I dont care anymore.

When I became single, I started going on dates, flirting at bars and feeling like my old, cool, college ego( only style less promiscuous and style more mature, thankfully ).

And even though I wasnt genuinely interested in literally any of these new guys, the newfound attention helped me get back on my horse and remember that Im a bomb ass catch.

3. My Body And Fitness Commitment

No, I didnt drop 20 poundsto spite my ex and present him what hes missing.

Yes, there was a short period of time where I had no appetite because of the horrible sadness and heartbreak, and I dropped weight promptly. But that also aimed rapidly because, well, food is amazing and pizza exists.

However, binge eating while watching Netflix on a Friday night in merely isnt as much fun( or socially acceptable, unfortunately) to do alone.

So with a decrease in midnight snacking and eating out, mixed with an increase in cooking for myself and actually sleeping enough at night, I did loose a little bit of weight.

Instead of skipping the gym to hang with bae, I had much more free time to focus on me.I set working out back on top of my list of daily priorities.

Currently, Im training for a half marathon. I run at least 5 miles a day.

This all definitely aided my newfound self-confidence, except the best part is that it isnt to get him back. Its because I seem AND feel better.

4. Friendships

When youre in a relationship, its very easy to loose sight of your priorities.

You wishes to expend all of your time with this person. You forget there are other people whocare about you, and who you are care about, as well.

I like to think I did a fairly decent chore at balancing my friends and my boyfriend, but when it came down to it, I was guilty of more often than not picking him over them. It was comfortable, safe and easy to spend all of my period with him.

Lucky for me, I hadnt injury my friendshipstoo much while in my relationship. When the relationship aimed, I always wanted to be doing something to confuse myself.

I wanted to go out more, meet new people and only have fun. I was always attaining schemes with friends, texting them more and overall, I was being a better friend.

It was only after becoming single again that my eyes were opened to how genuinely injury a significant other can be to relationships if you arent careful.

I was thankful that my friends were there for me because, when it comes down to it, hoes before bros. Always.

5. My Strength

I forgot to mention the component where my boyfriend left me while we were living in a city four hours away from my hometown, closest friends and family.

I had no idea how I was going to survive in that place alone. I could count on one hand how many people I felt like I could rely on where I lived. I had no choice but to get my shit together.

I didnt have time to feel sorry for myself. I didnt let my world crumble merely because he was no longer in it.

The quote you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have is a bit dramatic for my situation, but it applies.

Because when the time came to be strong, it actually wasnt so hard.

It might havehelped that while we were together, I was already conditioned into barely being able to rely on him emotionally.

Yeah, I was lonely at times. I suffered many anxiety and panic attack, butI managed it. I set my big daughter gasps on, and I survived.

6. My expectations for future relationships

People come into your life as a lesson or a blessin. And I have definitely learned my lesson.

Settling is actually bullshit.

Why ever settle for someone median, when you could be getting extraordinary?

I genuinely dont know what I was supposing. I would never get back into a relationship like the one I was in under those circumstances.

So, why did I hold onto a person who was doing me more damage than good for so long? Probably( definitely) because he was truly my best friend.

In fact, we were best friends for years before we dated. But I will attain new friends, and I will meet new lovers.

Maybe we wont have the same stupid sense of humour or savor in music. Perhaps no one will ever be as compatible for me as my ex once was. But at the least they wont induce “i m feeling” belittled.

Maybe they will actually be proud to call me theirs; maybe theyll surprise me with flowers here and there and be a loving romantic. Who knows, but Im hoping I find out soon.

I guess themoral of my tale is that whether or not you have moved on from a past relationship, and despite how much time has passed, I bet you something good has come from this time you have been apart.

You merely need to figure out what that is, and use it.

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