I can date my tireless goals of being fit back to high school. My family was into working out and exert, but I got carried away with it. The second I had my drivers license I was waking up at 4 am to go to the gym before school.
I also had two to three hour competitive cheerleading practises after school, but I didnt let myself believe that was enough of a workout. My senior year, I expended my dual-enrollment hour on a treadmill in the gym instead of working on my college course.
When college started I didnt share the same excitement as my friends. I chose to stay local community college so I was running, living at home and managing a heavy course load. My parents were on the brink of divorce , none of my siblings got along and I was under an incredible amount of stress.
The only thing I could control was what I put in my mouth and what I did with my body, so I began to constantly beat myself up. I was constantly comparing myself to other girls my stomach wasnt as flat, my thighs werent as toned and my butt wasnt as round.
It seemed like I had to work 10 times harder than anyone else I knew to maintain my shape while girls who didnt even try somehow seemed amazing. I resentedgirls I didnt even know; in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong, but I couldnt stop myself.
Looking back, I realize all those impressions camefrom a place of self-hate , not self-love. They say comparison is the burglar of elation, and its true. I was unable to focus on anything but losing weight.
Because of this unhealthy desire to be thin and attractive, I developed an nasty relationship with food. Eating was no longer enjoyable to me and food became my adversary instead of something that nourished my body.
I started to dread social situations. I wanted to spend time with my friends, but the thought of ordering pizza or drinking wine gave me anxiety. I wanted to go to dinner with my boyfriend, but I would ruin it by complaining of remorse for the next 24 hours.
I wentthrough up and down cycles of binge eating. Id first fill myself up with unhealthy food and assert that it was pointless for me to even try and lose weight. Then, I would detest myself, go on a crash diet and repeat the unhealthy cycle of self-loathing.
I couldnt stop thinking about my next snack, my next workout or my next endeavor at finally gaining the thinness I had been working so hard for. It ran my life and I disliked it.
My first two years of college are full of memories of grueling CrossFitworkouts I wasnt even sure I liked, Hydoxycut gummies and green tea tea pills that messed with my digestion. Oh, and I cant forget the daily combats with the scale that would leave me tearfully miserable and ruin my entire week.
I didnt is understood that my destructive thoughts and nasty mindset were sabotaging every aspect of my life because I was so blinded by self-corruption that thinness would make me happy.
I felt so alone and like no one would ever know what I was going through. There was hardly a positive gues in my mind, and when I looked in the mirror I was never complementary or kind to my body, just harsh and savagely critical.
I thought my life would be fulfilling when I was at my ideal weight; I thoughtI would finally be able to live and enjoy my life. Little did I know how wrong this was.
Before my last year of college started I moved in with my fianc. He stuck by my side at my lowest phases even though it frustrated him to assure me so upset over my body.
The bliss of moving in with my favorite person was constantly bombarded by my preoccupation with food and fitness. I knew something had to change when we began to argue and it started to affect our relationship. I didnt want to go out, I didnt wishes to cook anything held heavy, and I was letting my workouts ruin our plans.
I no longer wanted to be a slave to health and fitness, I wanted to enjoy my life with him and my friends. I began to realize that dieting just wasnt a sustainable lifestyle. I wanted Friday night beers, Sunday game snacks and the luxury of sleeping in in the morning without having the weight of a workout hanging over my head.
Its been a slow process, but Ive made one small change at a time to break free from the chains of being skinny. For the past year, Ive been on a journey of self-love to accept my body and to stop the negative thoughts and self-hate.
Hereare the five things I did to have a thinspo detox that saved my life 😛 TAGEND
1. I stopped following thinspo accounts on social media.
Although theres nothing incorrect with people who love to show their super-trimmed physique, filling my head with unrealistic pictures wasnt helping me.
To get to that level, Id have to nearly starve myself and do nothing but workout all day. Instead, I started following strong, empowering women who are advocates for self-love and body acceptance. I also followed campaigns that stand up against the medias beauty criteria likeIskra Lawrence, Healthy is the New Skinnyand Gina from Nourish and Eat.
2. I started reading the right books.
I knew my journey to self-love wouldnt come without a commitment to actually developing as a person.
3. I began to listen to podcasts by women whove been where I was.
I came across Maddy Moon, an inspiring daughter who has a series of free podcasts called Mind Body Musings.
There are over 100 episodes of her interviewing different people who have a TON of great experiences and thinks to share; all of her guests are empowering.
I started to listen to the episodes while folding laundry, cleaning my room or before falling asleep. Hearing other people tales and listening to their advice was an immense assist. It gave me hope that there was away out of the darkness of self-loathing.
Body acceptance does exist you merely need to find it.
I also subscribed to online summits from You Aint Your Weight, where founder and anti-dieter Jenna Free speaks with 21 females about determining food and body freedom.
I would get an email every morningwith the newest interview and it started off my day on a positive vibe.
4. I started to be kind to myself.
When I look in the mirror as Im changing, I dont say wow, you need to lose about 10 pounds of belly fat. I think your legs are appearing strong or youre glowing from all the sunshine youve been getting.
Being mean to yourself will do absolutely nothing for your recovery. Nobody is flawless and a womans body is an incredible thing.
5. I discovered a workout program I actually enjoyed.
I now know that working out should be a gala of what your body can do , not a punishment for what it cant.Workouts shouldnt be something you force yourself through because you eat an extra cupcake.
I eventually discovered Beachbody programs and I began to workout at home, do yoga and lower impact workouts and look to online chat groups for supporting. I regained the elation of exercising and it felt so freeing to work out because I wanted to.
I still have negative supposes more often than Id like, but the difference now is my mindset. I have the resources and influences to help me set negative thinks to the side.
Being body positive doesnt entail every day becomes easier, it simply means that now Im running every single day towards being a happier and healthier me. Most importantly, Im ultimately living again.
If theres one thing you do for yourself, detox your life from negative thoughts and self-hate. It wont always be easy, but it will be worth it.
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